he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
