just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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