I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
