this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
