oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
