I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
