That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
