I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
