He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
