After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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