so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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