Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
