i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
