Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize