So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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