I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
