Ambien. No doubt about it.
only you would photoshop your dick
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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