she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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