somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i think i have two assholes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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