I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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