i permit you to call me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
