Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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