at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
