You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
