I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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