He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
