we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I smell like Dick and happiness
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
