I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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