if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
