Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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