I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
