K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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