eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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