ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
