do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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