I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize