i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
