Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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