You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
this hospital has no fireball
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
