I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
