I think I died a long time ago.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
