I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
