this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
