just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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