Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
