that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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