some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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