so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
