So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
