Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
