We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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