i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
