um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
