When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
