Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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