Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
