Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
