I hate your face
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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