WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
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He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
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Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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